Don't make out with my wife yet
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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