At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
