She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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