Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
