Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
