Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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