this beer tastes like vomit already
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I FOUND THE LEGS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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