god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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