He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So vagazzling was a success
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
