Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
