yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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