You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't turn off my feet"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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