Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
