Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
