my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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