I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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