for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
