she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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