I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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