I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
