I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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