just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
