i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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