u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
