You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
