I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
