your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
