you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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