i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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