Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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