my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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