I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
