I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You may now shotgun with the bride
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
