since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
