I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
