It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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