WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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