I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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