I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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