none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Small penises have feelings too.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
