I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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