I heard we made out
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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