I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
