Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
