yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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