Yo dont text me then not text me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
