so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dicks are not precious.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
