On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
