you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Randomize
