It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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