listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
