you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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