they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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