shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
